i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
