you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
