I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
