the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
