You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
