Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
