i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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