We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
