not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize