why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
