i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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