She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
