So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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