glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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