I look better un-naked...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
