Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
