just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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