Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
