you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
