My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
