i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
