"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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