I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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