i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
