that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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