how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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