i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
