i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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