Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
