I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
