Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
