i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
