GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
