You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
