two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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