im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
