if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
