Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
