just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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