grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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