I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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