Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
