is wine microwaveable?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
