help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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