Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
