fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
