i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
