Betty ford says i'm here all night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
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Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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