your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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