my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
