I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
