theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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