idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
