she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize