My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
