You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
