Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
