i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
