When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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