After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
