i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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