Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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