I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
