Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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