His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
