Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
