It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
