Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
