OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So gin and wine won't be happening again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
