what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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