You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
