Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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