I have demons in me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
